Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
