I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
