the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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