I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
