Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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