this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
