I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
