member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
