i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I lost the right to judge tonight
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
