i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
