I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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