'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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