if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm like, not good at living.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
