wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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