ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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