Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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