last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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