I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
