i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
