so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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