u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
