As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
