we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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