are you still at the devil's house?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
