i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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