remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he was CRYING into my vagina
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
