You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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