I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
