it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
