when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
