So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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