dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
