whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
