The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
