My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
