i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
