I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
