some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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