Where did you get a picture of my penis
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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