I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
