I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
