i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
