someone threw a dead crab at me
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
