She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
