First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
