So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
