Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
