Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
