I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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