It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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