So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
