I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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