Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
