i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
