ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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