it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
