I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
