Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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