something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
