you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
