I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
