I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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