I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
