i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize