I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
