Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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